i am jack's joke of the day.

What's the difference between white onions, red onions and a 30cm dick?

Nothing... they all make your eyes water.


courtesy of sickipedia. thank you very much.

i am jack's gunnerbird.

who are the team called arsenal????


we are.

for almost close to eternity, we've waited, eagerly, patiently, sometimes downright crazily. its as if the script of our favorite football team's is written in such a way that we'll always come close to winning any title but dip in form always seem to haunt us. but i've got a feeling that this year is going to be a lucky year. well, fuck the winning, i'd be glad if we can bring back the glory days. if arsenal keeps on playing like how they performed in the ucl just hours ago against az, than i think we're the underdogs for the year, fuck man city.

the last 4 barren runs without trophies were, of course, not a very positive thing to come from a team of arsenal's stature. but then again..while others might think otherwise, i seriously think im enjoying the way they've been playing in the last few years, albeit not winning anything. i've always been a fan of arsene wenger's youth team policy. young players are way easier to be disciplined, less hotheaded, and work better as a team, plus they're faster than most veteran players that i've seen. without the youth policy, people around the world would still be asking who is fabregas, clichy, gibbs, walcott, and vela. and oh ya, fabregas' good form has also been pretty evident this season, scoring a few goals and assisting in a few goals as well. if he continues this way, it wont take long before he gets his hands on the epl player of the year title. i think im right to say that this has been his best ever season yet, even better than two years back when he had a good partner and provider in mathieu flamini. so in order to continue staying up, i think fabregas plays a big part by playing like what he's been doing lately.

with the addition of arshavin, nasri, and vermaelen, its obvious that we're already pushing for a top finish this year. and im pretty sure that everyone would agree that purchasing vermaelen for 10 mil beats toure's or lescott's purchase by man city by a long mile. it is, of course, quite evident that we've been sticking to buying youngsters and molding them lately, but im pretty sure that it'll take only a little more time before they grab the title. plus, paying big bucks doesn't guarantee the title, right? man city(again), anyone?

it is quite worrying, thought, regarding the takeover plans by both the main stake owners, stan kroenke and alisher usmanov, who are very close to a takeover bid. should any of these two tries to eventually take over arsenal, this is, for sure, going to land us on huge debt. this situation is already haunting man united and liverpool, so how long is it going to take for us to be in the same boat as theirs, right? plus take overs usually result in interruptions in player selections and limited allocations on player purchases and blah blah blah. as long as this situation doesnt occur, we're safe. but if it takes place anytime soon, than i predict that we are all in deep shit. or shits.

i guess that's all for this time. lets all hope that arsenal continues to play as well as they are performing currently. 12 consecutive games undefeated and i hope it doesn't come to an abrupt end just so soon. lets all hope that another 49, or more, undefeated run takes place.

who's that team we call arsenal again?

i am jack's return to the sacred LIFE

oh so here i am, back to square one. well its been a while since i blogged. of course, of course, well im not your typical 'i wake up today went to class had recess had a drink from the food court came back home took short nap before taking a dump and dats about the day and i have to blog about it' kinda person you see. i blog when i get the tendencies. and whatya know, mayte, its back! so here i go..

i am jack's borders of race, religion, shit

i've been thinking about the above mentioned idea..for some time now, and its been haunting me every night before and after i sleep..'type it down, hem..' you see, religions, race, where did they come from, what are they for? and how many of them are there in the current world? plenty. we all know what's happening in this world, aren't we? yeah, of course, israel & palestine, islam is a race full of terrorism, etc etc etc. well is islam really a bad religion? and if islam is indeed a bad religion, does it make judaism or hinduism or christianity a better religion? well i beg to differ on all these crap if u ask me. i was brought up as a hindu, and yeah, my dad believes that living a life properly and keeping the others happy as a religion itself. theres no borders for this one, brother. there was this movie, saying that if u realize that life is good and u make it better and u keep the others feel the same thing about theirs, than you see the god in you yourself.



which brings me to my second point. what are religions and race really created for? i was told that religion leads you to having tight hold on reality and life, and attaining nirvana is the sole purpose of our lives. Religion is meant to create a border for you to avoid the lurking sins outside this border. Once you cross the border, you’re a sinner, and it shows that you have very little believe in your own religion. Yes, it is true that religion is a way for you to keep yourself from getting lost in the deadly sea of sins. And it keeps you believing that there is a greater power up there, looking everything you’re doing, but that is not our story for today. So, if religion is so good and powerful, lets keep it that way, shall we? So what about the Gaza and Israel issue? It started as a normal fight for their home. But what happened in the end..? the WORLD turned it into a terrible religious war, between the islam and the jews. The islams support the Palestine, the US etc supports Israel. In the end, the whole world is filled with hatred and problems, problems, oh the never ending problems. If religion is so powerful and holy, why are you marring the name of the religion?

I am not supporting any sides of religion. For me, I believe religion is just a part of your life to make your life better, not make it worse. And I believe those who use the name of religion to start a war, to attack another country, to believe their religion is the most superior of all, I suggest all of you TRY to get a life. I believe all of you are nothing more than a bunch of hypocrites. And according to the islam, they call people who get lead in the wrong way of islam as a fakir. And if you’re a religious fanatic, I believe you’re already been guided in the wrong way! Im sure all god wants is peace and prosperity for all of the worldly garden made by Him for us to live in, peacefully. Not launch missiles and motherfucking rocket bombs at each other. And no, im sure He does not agree to suicide bombing either, as suicide is considered as a sin in any religion anyways.

So, what about the outcome? Unborn babies suffocate to death in the body of the burnt mothers who died in the war of the extremists, the old man loses his leg while trying to save his grandchild, while the grandchild trying to save her torn and headless stuffed doll dies on the spot: as the missile bursts into flames, killing the other 20 innocent civilians for no apparent reasons. A man weeps shamelessly by the side of his dead mother and wife side by side, killed by ruthless and heartless armies. A boy loses both his tender young-age legs in a boobie trap explosion, while going to work to support the lives of his ailing mother and a semi-coma sister. What is all these crap? This is bullcrap I tell you, fucking bullcrap! I seriously don’t understand why all these hurt and hatred have to take place. Is it worth it, worth the tears, the pain, the death, the irrational killings and getting killed?

I think if god knew humans can be so retarded, I doubt He would want to create this world in the first place. Or, unless, he wants to test the characters of the people in the world? I don’t know, you tell me. Well what I know is.. these is all wrong.. the war, the fight, just because a few leaders of the nations fucks up, the whole country goes down in a river of blood. At what cost? And the observing nations just wants to make it an issue and to create a cold-war kind of message to the nation they believe lies on the opposition. And they make these issues a religious one. Well have anyone noticed about the struggling tamil tigers in sri lanka? Did anyone think about solving the problem that has been going on for endless years? Did anyone, lets say the Islamic countries, or the mighty USA did anything to help them? No, no shitting way, cuz sri lanka, according to them, is not a country that has any personal, religious or political gain for them. Lets say if this was about sri lanka (assuming that sri lanka is a nation of jews and islams on war) I bet all my money that the whole world would have paid some attention. if this point doesn’t make sense to you extremists and fanatics out there, I believe nothing will.



IF WE KILL ALL THE PEOPLE IN THE WORLD, THE BLACKS, THE WHITES, THE BROWNS, THE COLOURED, AND PILE THEM UP LIKE A MOUNTAIN, CAN WE REACH THE SKY???

i am jack's modern life

This is the modern life. The modern life. That everyone craves and let their mind linger about. This is it, the big destiny, the thing. The big thing, the big bang, the life you wanted. The life we wanted, everyone. The FUCKING MODERN LIFE.

Where should I begin?

Have you ever felt that most of our lives is fixed? YES, if you still haven’t noticed it yet, you life IS FIXED. Big time man, big time. Reason, you ask? Let me explain. Well… Maybe I should start with a brief explanation about two random people that I met in my daily life that I can take as an example.. shall we?

Case number 1: mr X

Mr x is a hawker. He owns a mobile kuey tiow basah shop, which is, according to our town, Taiping’s standard, good and is considered an old-timer who’s been there for like ever. Some of you taiping residents (or been residents, or for those people who just don’t feel you belong there, just keep on reading) might have noticed this old Chinese guy selling keuy tiow basah opposite the old kamunting maybank and beside the old marrybrown(already closed down) pushing into his late 60’s (or maybe 70’s, or maybe younger, maybe its just that he worked so hard that he looked older than what he should have been) with his wife I assume, close to about the same age as he is. And theres another chindian lady, about late 50’s. these 3 people have been selling kuey tiow basah since the day I was born, or maybe been there for the last 20-30 years, or maybe longer. The guy cooks delicious (ok maybe that’s not the picture, maybe I might be biased and all cuz I admit im an ardent fan of Chinese food) and mouth watering kuey tiows n nasi gorengs. Ok enough of introductions, now to the point ( thank god we’re finally there, honey). The thing about this guy is… he NEVER CHANGED AT ALL. Well, that’s my point. This guy(lets ignore the two ladies for now) he works every night at the same time (presumably around 8) and closes down at the same time(11pm something I guess), wears the same attire for the last few years (the white taiping old-timers’ white t-shirt, old apron and old slacks, same dead eyes, same hairstyle(with more white hair this time around), same dried lips, it’s the same guy. Nothing changes. Even the way he cooks, unsurprisingly, is the same. He would take the same amount of oil, egg, then pours and mixes everything else in the wok and puts ‘em on the plate before serving ‘em. It’s the freakin same thing that he does, all his life, to get the same amount of money. Of course, what he does is none of my business, but I’ll reveal my theory at the later stages of this draggy story.

Case number 2: mr Y

Mr Y is a technician. Not very successful, very middle class and very straightforward-kinda character. An avid kaki TOTO, nombor ekor. He would ask everyone for the 4-digit numbers, even kids as young as 3. well, lets not blame it on him. He doesn’t save much for his future, most of his money is spent on household things at home or other stuff. He recently got married (finally, thank god). The thing about this guy is, his life is fixed as well. Why, you ask? Well.. about this guy, whom I’ve known all my life, the only 2 things that changed in his life are he stopped playing football (he used to be quite good at it, even got called up by the Perak state football team for professional football contract before screwing his knee terribly and stopped playing with immediate effect) and the latter, his marriage. Apart from that, his life remained unchanged and static. His life revolves around his family (he lives with his mom and other brothers and sisters, not that they cant afford to stay outside, but theirs is an orthodox and very close-knit Ceylonese family, so you know, they live together) and his job, his siblings’ kids, his pet dogs (don’t be surprised, he’s got more than 20, about 10 had been shot before by the YOU-KNOW-WHO, due to not having the permit) and so on. He had this dilemma just a few days ago; he had to go to Teluk Intan to accompany his wife (they got married last year, according to Indian culture, first year of Deepavali is celebrated with your wife’s family) but he was scared to leaved his sacred place called home. He also admitted not being away from home for more than 2-3 days and his panic buttons were pressed when his mom asked him to go and justify his traditional duties. Okay im done with my two subjects. Now for the theory.

We’ve been born and bred to succeed as our sole purpose in life. Failure is for the drug addicts. That’s what we’ve been told, and that’s what we were asked to prove… success or failure depends on our well being in future life. Most of our lives are fixed, static, we’ve been programmed to do this, do that, go up the ladder, get promotion, and stay there and play the waiting game. Get old and go straight to heaven. That’s exactly what we’ve been told. Subject 1, mr X, his life is fixed, despite not having a CEO job, he’s there and living. In a very immovable way. He’s fixed his life on providing people with kuey tiow basahs and that’s what he’s going to do while he’s still alive. He’d move the mobile shop to the same place every night and do his thing, undisturbed. Same thing with subject number 2, mr Y. He’ll probably be stuck with his dilemma for the rest of his life being subjected to live his whole life being in that same place till he dies, not knowing the taste of the outside world. Not even knowing how to ice-skate. Mr X’s purpose in life is to sell kuey tiow while mr Y’s purpose in life is to serve his family and stay there in the same town doing the same job, eating the same food, get kids and get old.

What are we? Machines with micro chips in our heads? Aren’t we all, predictable? (well, most of us, yeah) when I said predictable, I was referring to our purposes in life. Ask yourself, what is your purpose in life? Im pretty sure at least 90% of people would say the same shit, “I wanna be an engineer, I wanna be a doctor, I wanna be a chartered accountant, bla bla bla…” in short, “I wanna be successful”. Of course there’s nothing wrong in wanting to be successful. But in doing so, we sacrifice everything else which seems like second-best priority. We forget our other important priorities like having fun while being a kid, or even growing up being a kid before reaching adolescence. Some of us failed to experience playing under the rain, do mischievous things like climbing the tree, getting mudfaced while playing football, skip classes in school to go to library to see the pretty librarians, fighting (as in kid fights, the ones you don’t lose your tooth or something like that). Trust me, all these things are a must do. D’you think all these things are do-able when you’re pushing 40’s? life might start at 40, like they say, but they sure missed the life when they’re 14 I guess. All the parent-pressure and guilty conscience makes us yearn to succeed..but all the little things we missed.. think about that, fellas. While trying to attempt to reach the goals.. we’ve sometimes missed some things that might’ve seem surplus to requirements.

Its fixed. Study hard or study smart, burn midnight oil if necessary, get scholarship(if not, get sponsorship from dad) go to a good college or university, get first upper class degree, find a beautiful wife, get 2 kids with 3 years gap in between, buy a house, buy a car, get settled in life, then pass the baton to your kids for them to do what you’ve been doing in life, have a dull empty nest syndrome, buy a house someplace like country outskirts (I wont be angry if you suggested Taiping, cuz it is called retiree’s paradise for some reason you know) and spend the remaining years of yours, celebrating yearly festivals like raya or Chinese new year, one year after the other, with your children now having their own kids stepping into their shoes. Now what?

It’s a cycle, of course. In my opinion, success in life doesn’t come with good job and curvaceous wife, and a twice-a-week great sex alone. We need to get some life in it as well.. have fun, doesn’t matter if we don’t score all A’s, the most important thing is make others happy, live life to the max, help others, and do some shit that you can reminisce about in the future, where you can say you’ve been there, done that with a mile of smile.

Shun the non-believers, she said.

i am jack's return to the blogster

wow. ive been missing for some time now. not that people read it anyways, but den again, haih, fuck it man, i need to update this shit to live my life just like the normal i-dont-study-but-i-got-exams-i-hate-exams-but-i-can-still-blog kinda ppl. yeah, i need to start living like normal people. being different gets u nowhere, well maybe mental asylum wud be a good place but lets not bla bla about that. well the last few days been passing quite quickly, as fast as the duration i spend on sipping my cup of coffee... not dat i din want to finish it but i fell asleep the night before. hmm..what im actually trying to say was (concentrate u motherfucker, stop getting distracted!) that the time is passing me so quick that i feel like an observer in this world, looking at the time passing by so quick and seeing myself through the glass...moving so slowly... being kicked to the back row of the my-life cinema. wow.

yeah , its been a few stressful weeks juggling my time with other activities and slacking hours(need em to be a normal person, remember?) and yeah exam's still not over yet at the moment and yet ive taken this luxury time to blog this shit up. and ive been trying out on new band songs over the net and stuff. i know im a goddamn music fan and all, but the recent hem is kinda different.. his hunger for music is limitlesss... to the point of addiction. if i dont listen to at least one song in an hour, i'll act like a hen trying to lay eggs. the oni difference is dat, this hen is laying a dragon egg and its bothering, very.been listening to saving abel(ironicall their best song is ADDICTED),alien ant farm, angels and airwaves, sparta,armor for sleep, ashes of soma,blue october.. wow. i shud keep this list short cuz ive got plenty of etc's for this one. ive also been some kind of an enigma, changing my characteral behaviours from time to time with contradictory character. hmm.. am i lost again, mama? heh i need more retuning of myself man, need to get back home and let the retuning begin. or maybe im just missing home.

the recent bad patch of arsenal's games also left a sour taste in the mouth and make me feel a bit saddened to see them losing and playing second fiddle to the opponents. of course, being a hardcore fan and a supporter of wenger, i will always stand by him, but c'mon man.. we need to start winning stuff. losing to a team like hull? theyve just sent us to HULL(HELL)!! not giving up yet, just a bit concerned dats all. maybe one or two established players for the bosman transfer, maybe? please... at least satisfy our lingering hunger for established players, wenger..

last but not the freaking least, i'd like to know why this particular person from sunway hasnt been keeping in touch with me these last 3 weeks..is she dead or something? god please tell the stupid girl dat she needs to start keeping in touch with me cuz i dont like ppl coming to me only when u need me, u see. if ur reading this, dont let me come and spank you! stupid monkey!

i am jack's those 4 wasteful hours

Location: in his crib

Situation: sleepy, after a short nap

Time: 12.32am

Song selection: im not okay(I promise)-mcr

Gets up. Looks around. The animal looks for its prey. None seen. Turns around, reaches the phone. Messages in bulk. Msgs: replied. Goes into deep thoughts. Wakes up, goes to the loo. Washes himself, he goes out of the somewhat congested, oxygen-deprived crib for good. Looks around, all the other housemates fast asleep. Goes out to the balcony, spits twice. He looks around… no moon tonight, that explains the lethargic feeling (freakin astronomer speaking. Somebody please put sense in his head). Sits and keeps looking outside… his eyes wondering...but blank and empty. Looks at the girls block, not a single chick in sight, must’ve had gone back hometown or must be in deep sleep dreaming of prince charming. Sound of some freakin machine gets him distracted from his deep thoughts, his distraction alarm triggers, he’s back from Neverland. One of the housemates wakes up, and asks for the sony ericsson charger, to charge his phone maybe.

Later, the housemate disappears into the darkness (the lights were off).

Time:1:52am

Situation: unexcited, lethargic, hungry, stomach gurgling, feeling really empty

Song selection: hapus aku-nidji

He gets back in his crib, where despite the boring and lifeless feel the crib provides, still is the most happening place for him, in the house, where most exciting activities takes place. But maybe, just maybe, not today. Its just a day too dead to be good. Goes online, found some really interesting notes and blogs by a friend. Got hooked and started reading one by one, hoping sky-high to fall back to sleep. But the notes were so interesting that he felt really awake by now. Plus he found some interesting friends online to chat with.

Time:2.03am

Situation: still feeling lethargic, but more excited now, stomach still bising-bising, in the mood for noises and stuff.

Song selection: chop suey-system of a down, interstate love song-stone temple pilots

Started having this sex education related chat with the most unlikely friend of his, and went in deep thoughts again, and this time he never came back from neverland for quite some time. Thinking… wow! Of all ppl, this girl? Wow. Didn’t see that one coming. Gained a lot of priceless knowledge and actually felt kinda proud of it. Heh, daymmm. She goes off, and he was left alone again. But the song selection changes.

Time:3.00am

Song selection: what’s up people?- maximum the hormone

Grabs a few crackers from the biscuit can. Munches them with the pandan kaya giving a mouthful of assistance, daymmm. Starts listening to songs, starts reminiscing. Felt high after the crackers-munching session. (like that wasn’t expected, sigh). Next, he went to the loo again, thinks about the opening day of Hancock in cinemas today which he just missed by oversleeping, and fuck, that wasn’t expected either. Oh oh, there goes my excitement. Back in neverland with the most unlikely people he wants to meet. Ben Affleck? Fuck him. The thoughts of Ben Affleck brought him back to the real world. He sits back on his chair in the crib thinking what to do. With the thought of sleeping long thrown into the rubbish bin, he starts thinking about what to do in the wee morning. Jogging, blogging, wake a friend up and start talking? None seem like good idea. Grabs a book. Stephen king’s Four Past Midnight, been trying to read that for like ages and he himself cant remember how many times he went to the campus library to renew that piece of thing. And let’s not go to the amount of fines part… he gets headache thinking about that!

Time:4.32am

Song selection: dispatch-the general, sugar, we’re going down-fallout boy

This is the finale. Still doing nothing, the animal gets bored. He looks at his options and being unresourceful this part of the day, he limps on the bed, and hit his leg hard on the corner of the bed. It starts bleeding and being French-blooded mythically, he smiles blankly. After washing off the wound, he now realized the only thing he could do at the moment. Typing what he doesn’t want to keep in mind, the wasteful 4 hours of his freaking life. And if you’ve made it so far till this very word, you are mathematically the most patient person on earth, and you deserve an appreciation award from the animal himself. Go sleep lah noob!!!

Time: does it fucking matter, biatch??

Song selection: superman-five for fighting.oh wait, maybe how to save a life-the fray

i am jack's definition of life

What is life? Hard to define, depending on the situation you’re at and the things you’ve went through. Depends on whether you’re being held at gunpoint and struggling to get some space. Or maybe you just woke up from a deep sleep and started to listen to mellow songs…. While sipping some hot coffee and while it starts drizzling slowly and the moon fades and the sound of overjoyed frogs takes over the silence…. Maybe you don’t get the same perspective if you’re awake, driving down the street, to the hospital where you’re working as a doctor… Someone wakes you up at the middle of the night, asking you to come over as there’s an emergency case awaiting treatment…Or, maybe life starts at the beach… where you sip your coconut drink while lazing on the lazy chair, looking at the sea.. and the sexy chicks. Or maybe life’s just about that expensive golden chain you saw through the glass…. Of the gold store. Or you’re lying down on your mini-sized baby bed… staring at the spinning toy hung on the wall… spinning and spinning and spinning as you grow up? Well…life’s all about living it, eh?

No… I’m not begging to differ, either. I’m happy with how everybody seem to be enjoying their lives, in fact im happy with mine as well... wow… life’s so good that it feels almost like unreal…fake? Heh..

Open your eyes. Life’s about happiness and sadness. Happy when you’ve hit that million dollar lottery and driving all the way to collect the prize money.. And sad when you’ve just been mercilessly hit by another car while driving and you know you wont be able to collect the money. Life gives, and takes. Well, hold on, you might see what you deserved… or not. Well… Life.

I’ve seen plenty of things in my life… bitterness, pain, and all the negative thoughts that mingle closely with the happiness of my life. Don’t complain about it, cuz at least you’re alive and kicking. Life has so much to offer, that one whole life wont be enough to discover all the beautiful things. Maybe 7-8 lifes? But than again, we’re not cats, are we?

What is the purpose of your life? Our lives? What about the others? I don’t know about mine, to date. But im pretty sure I will, sooner or later. But I know im not going to live that boring and empty life most people prefer to have. I want mine to be worth living.. and proving to do something great along the way. My definition of something great? Well as far as I know, im not worth the nobel prize. But maybe I can do something to prove my worth… something enough to prove to the people that I can make a difference.. Something good enough so that other people can benefit from me. I haven’t figured out what the fuck im going to do to prove myself, but I know I will.

Of course, I’d still be enjoying my life sipping hot coffee on a rainy day… listening to the mellow songs, early morning, accompanied by the frogs’ overjoyed welcoming celebration of the rain… but I want to do more than that. Try Sondre Lerche by the way....